What gives me gas?

It doesn't take much to give me gas. I get gas from the simplest things, even ones that should help relieve gas. I get gas from pasta, cheese, Tums, beef, pork, chicken, eggs, rice, milk, Extra gum, hamburgers, lettuce, pot stickers, wheat bread, ultra violet rays, yakisoba, peanut butter, chocolate ice cream, Bucky Covington, carrots, potatoes, radishes, Lucky Charms, Evian, 18th century Impressionist art, the Book of Leviticus, anything above a high C, riboflavin, brocolli, asparagus, bananas, tomatos, potato chips, spinach, lemonaide, french toast, hot dogs, hot chocolate, Hot Pockets, Moscow ID, french fries, G.O.R.P., cherry cobbler, Skittles, raisen bran, oatmeal, curry, elk, grape juice, Kenny G, Disneyland, early morning Priesthood meetings, Zuppas, Pez, green beans, brown beans, black beans, jelly beans, strawberries, Tylenol, snicker doodles, tuna, breadsticks, meat balls, and apples.